No matter how hard we try, human beings are drawn backwards into unconscious, habitual, instinctual patterns of behavior in response to increasing anxiety. We are hard-wired for this. Quite often it is the most immature, complaining, over dependent people who set the agenda in congregations. Whenever anxiety seems out of proportion to the reality of the situation, it is an indication of a historical pattern of chronic anxiety.
Every person must learn to balance the internal pressures of togetherness and individuality. SELF DIFFERENTIATION is the term for the process by which leaders DEFINE SELF, STaY CoNNECTED with anxious group members, and REGULATE REACTIVITY (their own, that is). Leaders ought not to focus on the reactivity of OTHERS, or on diagnosing others' behavior, but on their own responses. Leaders should ANTICIPATE resistance, indeed, WELCOmE it as an opportunity to build the group's psychic immune system.
Brain stem is most un-evolved portion of the brain, and the area where "reptilian" responses form to real or perceived threats. Such responses include "fight/flight." Limbic part of brain is mammalian- where playfulness originates... Neo-Cortex is where problem-solving and visioning take place. Don't expect very anxious people to engage in those activities. DO NOT demonize or patronize anxious people. It is natural and inevitable that human beings regress under threat. To be a relatively non-anxious presence, however, requires self-awareness and spiritual maturity.
Self differentiation allows leaders to stay in touch with the principles, values, and goals of the organization they serve, and not be distracted by anxiety-driven resistance. When anxious people no longer have the power to dominate the agenda, they will often stop their resistance and accommodate to a new situation, especially if they have been treated fairly and with respect. Even if they choose to leave, it is important to stay connected with them to the extent they will permit.
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